Making With The Stupid…for 2015

Horrific grammar

  1. I will stop sending e-mails to my husband telling him to go to the store. I can go to the store. I am a grown up. Now, if you don’t mind, there is a Tonka truck with my name on it….
  2. I will think of a password other than “password” or “hello” or “password123” or “hello123“…..ad nauseum…
  3. I will stop considering other people’s feelings when they so obviously don’t consider mine – if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I’ll tell him he stinks!
  4. I will do less laundry and use more deodorant. I figure that it is a economical and ecological win-win..WOO HOO!
  5. I will give up chocolates totally…Except for Dark Chocolate…and some milk chocolates…and caramel, I LOVE caramel…
  6. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom and sit there. Different location…Different attitude!
  7. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. Let me reset my computer to Australia time. That way it will be tomorrow and I will have more time.
  8. When I hear a funny joke, I will not reply, or forward. Much.
  9. I will try to figure out why I really need ten e-mail addresses…replete with passwords I cannot possibly remember…
  10. I will not eat medicine just because it looks like candy..Except Xanax…That IS candy.
  11. I will regularly wash my underwear, instead of turning it inside-out.
  12. I will watch more TV. It’s very educational. Catch up on all those programs I missed down the years. I am DYING to know who killed Laura Palmer!
  13. I will play more computer games. Scientists say they’re good for me and improve my visual skills. Besides, I am a level 97 mage with huge bazonkas. It will bolster my self-esteem.
  14. I will eat more nice things like candy, Big Macs, popcorn, and ice cream. Eat less crap like fresh fruit, vegetables, and soy nuts. I bet in 30 years Scientists will discover all that shit is good for you.
  15. I promise to stick to these resolutions for more than a week…11 days tops!
  16. I will learn what the “resolution” means. I resolve to find out.
  17. I will leave my brain at home while going to watch the supposedly scary movies. And I will remember that “it is just a movie!!
  18. I resolve to stop poisoning my husband with my cooking. Arsenic works better. Faster.
  19. I will endeavor to lose weight, although now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution. Woo Hoo. That was QUICK!!!
  20. I will try and check my edit before I click “publish”.
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7 thoughts on “Making With The Stupid…for 2015

  1. Never label anything you plan on sticking to a “resolution.” This automatically stamps it with, “FRAGILE,” which means it will break, because that shit falls off the shelves, whereupon Nerf balls will not.

    Also, edit before publishing, or else you may discover, 12 hours later that “happy gas” takes on more meaning than dental nitrous oxide. I speak from ‘sperience.

    Happy 2015.

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