The numbers ‘172’ can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial. If you look real hard you can find a hooker, too. She is called the original “Five Dolla Ho”.
President Kennedy was the fastest random speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute. I am sure Marilyn Monroe appreciated that fast tongue.
In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator. Chances are men will get lost and will still be walking around.
The surface area of an average-sized brick is 79 cm squared. Even more to throw it at you with, my dear.
According to suicide statistics, Monday is the favored day for self-destruction. Why give them a full work-week?
Cats sleep 16 to 18 hours per day. Mine sleep more than that. In fact, I think they died 2.5 years ago.
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C. Ain’t that some shit?
When you die, your hair still grows for a couple of months. Okay, well who is gonna give me THAT haircut?
The first person selected as the Time Magazine Man of the Year – Charles Lindbergh in 1927. Yay, Yay, Sis Boom Bah!
The most money ever paid for a cow in an auction was $1.3 million. Moo Suckas!
It took Leo Tolstoy six years to write “War & Peace”. It takes that long to read and understand it…..zzzzzzzzz….
The Neanderthal’s brain was bigger than yours is. Well, at least I know not to end a sentence with a preposition…..
On the new hundred dollar bill the time on the clock tower of Independence Hall is 4:10. At 4:20, every one flames up.
The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building. DERP!!!!
The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.
Lucy and Linus (who where brother and sister) had another little brother named Rerun. (He sometimes played left-field on Charlie Brown’s baseball team, [when he could find it!]). Rerun? The dude from “What’s Happenin’?”
The pancreas produces Insulin. The US Congress produces shit…blah, blah, blah
1 in 5,000 north Atlantic lobsters are born bright blue. See! Carolina fans!
The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley. Not Ho Lee Shit?
Every year about 98% of the atoms in your body are replaced. Replaced…with….what? Ignore that pod in the corner…
Elephants are the only mammals that can’t jump. Well, Elephants and white guys….
World Tourist day is observed on September 27. Everyone gets up and goes somewhere else.
Women are 37% more likely to go to a psychiatrist than men are. That’s because men drive us to it…
The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet (9 m). Wanna test that?
American car horns beep in the tone of F….Yea, the “Fuck You” tone…
If you had enough water to fill one million goldfish bowls, you could fill an entire stadium. With Goldfish?
Canadian researchers have found that Einstein’s brain was 15% wider than normal. My butt is 15 % wider than normal, does that make me smarter than Einstein?
The average person spends about 2 years on the phone in a lifetime. Nope, they spend 3 years ON HOLD.
The bagpipe was originally made from the whole skin of a dead sheep. Baaaaaaad news for the sheep
Revolvers cannot be silenced because of all the noisy gasses which escape the cylinder gap at the rear of the barrel. Kind of like men.
The United States has never lost a war in which mules were used. Maybe we should send some to Iraq.
Children grow faster in the springtime. Faster than….what?