I am 48 years old, and this is what I have learned from life thus far. I think I read some of these in a book, or on a bathroom wall over the years, I can’t remember which.
Here are the lessons I have learned and my reaction to them.
1. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other—Yeah, But what about the sex?
2. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.— Yeah, But what about the sex?
3. When you say, “I love you,” mean it—And pay them $50 extra if you have to.
4. When you say, “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye.—and then hit them as hard as you can..
5. Be engaged at least six months before you get married—Lessons my father never learned…
6. Believe in love at first sight—I do, at least 5 times a day, funnily enough, it is THE SAME GUY!
7. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.—what about the people who don’t have much anyway??
8. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely—Spoken like a true moron if ever there was one. Completely.
9. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling —Where is the fun in that??
10. Don’t judge people by their relatives—Thank YOU GOD!!
11. Talk slowly but think quickly—Works only if you are a hostage negotiator.Or a bomb diffuser.
12. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.—Or a good divorce attorney with a large retainer.
13. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson—Thanks, Gandhi. F*cker. No wonder you got shot.
14. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.—What about Reading, Riting and Rithmatic?
15. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship —Let a .357 Magnum do it for you…
16. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.—Or cover it up quickly with lies, lies and more filthy lies!
17. Spend some time alone—Aw fuck me…….